Tag Archives: Parenthood

Tiger Babies Strike Back by Kim Wong Keltner

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Synopsis:
Subtitled: “How I Was Raised by a Tiger Mom but Could Not Be Turned to the Dark Side.”

Review:
My interest in Tiger Babies Strike Back petered out in the first 30 pages. Kim Wong Keltner is a good writer but I just grew weary of the memoir aspect of the story. I know it’s not entirely fair to judge the book you wish you were reading, but honestly I really wished she had talked to more families in an effort to present a nuanced picture of Chinese American families in all their complexity, instead of solely telling her own story. But take that with a grain of salt–memoir is one of my least favorite genres.

The Business of Baby by Jennifer Margulis

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Synopsis:
Subtitled, “What Doctors Don’t Tell You, What Corporations Try to Sell You, and How to Put Your Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Baby Before Their Bottom Line.”

Review:
I was basically nodding my head and saying yes yes yes while reading The Business of Baby, which covers pregnancy, birth, and the newborn period and lays out in damning detail how financial considerations are the reason why the US has such abysmal newborn and maternal mortality rates. Because of my work in lactation and had two home births, much of this information was familiar to me, but it was refreshing to see it laid out in such an accessible way. The way mothers and babies are treated in the US makes me so, so sad, and I’m hoping this book leads to some positive change.

Far From the Tree by Andrew Solomon

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Synopsis:
Subtitled: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity.

Review:
I had been keen to read Far From the Tree when it started getting buzz pre-publication. But I was horrified (HORRIFIED I TELL YOU) that the Kindle price was set at $16.99. I do not pay that, not for anyone (okay, I paid it for just one person). Finally, the price dropped to $9.99 and I hit the purchase button with alacrity and style. And of course the price has dropped further so I wish I had had a bit more patience. And while we’re on the topic of reading it on the Kindle, I kind of freaked out when I saw that it had over 30,000 locations–but thankfully half of those were citations and links.

In the book, Solomon looks at the notion of vertical identity–that which links you with your parents or children–and horizontal identity–that which connects you with those who are like you. For example, if you are hearing parents with a deaf child, your child has a horizontal identity that connects her with the Deaf community and separates her from you. If your child was conceived out of rape, you have an unwanted, traumatic horizontal identity that can compel you to sever your vertical connection to that child. Solomon interviewed families with children who were deaf, autistic, exceptional, and afflicted with Down syndrom or dwarfism or disabilities or mental illness. He talked to mothers who were raped and parents whose children committed crimes. And lastly, he talks with families of transgender children. He bookends the book with reflections on his own experiences as a gay son and a gay father. Solomon talked with so many people and managed to make all of their stories come to life.

As a parent myself, I found so much in this book to ponder on and consider. As a reader, I was captivated by the storytelling and the concepts being presented. I was moved by the love that the parents had for their children, and saddened by all the ways that children can be hurt. And it made me think a lot about my own life story–and inspired me with ideas to complete a novel I’ve been working on for quite some time.

Accelerated by Bronwen Hruska

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Synopsis:
The father of a third grader in a prestigious NYC private school finds himself pressured to do whatever it takes to keep his son from falling behind–but at what cost?

Review:
When I picked up Accelerated I thought it was going to be a horror novel and I was really, really disappointed to find it was a straight-up story about the dangers of medicating children for ADHD. I found it really preachy and not that exciting, plot-wise. It just felt very dated. I did think that the author has a great feel for complicated relationships, and that was what kept me reading.

Many thanks to Pegasus for the review copy.

Breed by Chase Novak

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Synopsis:
After seeking fertility treatments from a Slovenian doctor, a wealthy Manhattan couple gets in touch with their animal side, and their kids might be the ones to pay the ultimate price.

Review:
Breed was creepy in a classic horror way (think Ira Levin), and I blew through it. The premise was so creepy–parents as potential cannibals in a rundown Manhattan palace–but I felt like the ending was rushed and there were a lot of plot questions I wanted the book to explore in greater detail. Perhaps the author has a sequel in mind–there’s certainly enough story left for one.

The Playdate by Louise Millar

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Synopsis:
A single mom decides to return to work, inciting a chain of events that puts her daughter in jeopardy.

Review:
The Playdate felt like a great follow up to Gone Girl. It’s not that they are so similar in terms of plot or genre. But they both built great suspense from intimate relationships, and had plenty of twists and turns.

I also really loved the way the book dealt with the stresses faced by working moms in the creative sector. It’s so competitive and nobody cares about your personal troubles. And in order to be creative, you have to be able to separate emotionally and focus when you’re away from your kids. I really connected with Callie’s dilemma, and am really thankful for my husband, because I couldn’t do any of it without him.

Generation Me by Jean M. Twenge

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Synopsis:
Subtitled: Why Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled–and More Miserable Than Ever Before.

Review:
I picked up Generation Me after hearing Dr. Jean M. Twenge interviewed on The White Horse Inn, a favorite podcast of mine.

While I really appreciated the depth and breadth of her research, and agree with many of her conclusions (particularly the importance of teaching self-control instead of self-esteem), I lost her when she began interpolating her own opinions on child rearing. Her derision (as a childless person) for attachment parenting was disappointing, considering that there are many proponents of that parenting style who do so because they feel that meeting the actual needs of babies and children encourages independence in a developmentally appropriate way. Sure, you can find examples of parents using AP to smother their children, but the same is true of parents who subscribe to more mainstream methods.

I am not averse to criticism of attachment parenting, but my problem is that she didn’t critique, she just spoke her own opinion as if it were fact. She has no data to support whether or not things like breastfeeding past infancy and sharing sleep with babies and children correlates with increased narcissism. In Japan, families sleep together as the societal norm–I wonder if they are more narcissistic than we are, according to the metrics she’s evaluating? And prior to the 20th Century, it was normal for babies to be breastfed past infancy. Were people more narcissistic then? In fact, breastfeeding rates plummeted in the early 1970s, precisely when the leading edge of Generation Me was born.

I don’t want to discount the majority of the book, which I found insightful and provocative. I was born in 1973, and every year that I have taught college students I have felt more and more of a disconnect with my students. Where I am motivated by criticism–it prods me to strive harder to be told I haven’t gotten something right–it does seem to me that the college students I work with need much more hand-holding than I ever expected when I was in school. My teachers never fluffed my ego, and they weren’t afraid to give me a poor grade. And that’s what the real world is like. When I turn in a screenplay to the producers and network executives I’m working for, I’m not expecting to hear that I’ve done a good job. I’m expecting them to tell me what’s not working so that I can fix it and improve it. Sure, it feels good to be complimented, but it doesn’t help me any. And it feels really good to be told, “Job well done” after I’ve worked hard to get everything just right.

Motherland by Amy Sohn

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Synopsis:
Interlocking tales of some tortured moms and dads living high on the hog in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Review:
I do not know why I kept reading Motherland, I didn’t connect with any of the characters and I was seriously worried about the safety of all their children. I had enjoyed her previous novel, Prospect Park West, mostly because as a New York mom myself I am not immune to the pleasures of schadenfreude. But with this book, I couldn’t enjoy any of it because everyone was just so utterly miserable and it was easy to see how it was all their own damn faults.

I do have to credit Amy Sohn with her talent for astute cultural commentary, and despite my feelings about this book I’m sure I’ll read her next one.

Broken Harbor by Tana French

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Synopsis:
Detective Mick “Scorcher” Kennedy has a spotless record of solves, but when he’s partnered with a street smart rookie on the murder of a family in a boom economy development turned recession slum outside of Dublin, the ghosts from his past threaten his ability to play by the straight and narrow.

Review:
I am a huge fan of Tana French and Broken Harbor definitely lived up to my expectations. First of all, her sense of mood and place is just brilliant. She sets the story squarely within the recession (similar to the recent Gone Girl), and uses the murder investigation to thoroughly examine how the economic roller coaster of the last five years affected some very ordinary people. In many ways it was hard to read about regular people trapped by their dreams.

But it’s Detective Kennedy who killed me in this one. As much as I love Cassie Maddox, I fell head over heels for Scorcher to the point where it physically hurt to watch him suffer. French gives him such exquisite depth and complexity that I didn’t want his story to end–especially the way that it does.

As a mystery, Broken Harbor doesn’t aim for the complexity of French’s other books, but that’s not a problem for me. Its relative simplicity ends up showing Scorcher’s talent as an investigator more than if he had followed a twisty rabbit hole of crazy. Instead, Scorcher has to dive deep into an emotional quagmire that matches his own.

And I have to mention Richie–oh, Richie! A rookie sent out on his first case with Scorcher, the two quickly discover their compatibility as partners. On the surface, this would seem like a good thing, but Scorcher has his reservations, and they don’t really make sense. The journey of their relationship is as satisfying as anything else in the story.

On a last note, I really wish I could get away with using some of the Irish phrasing that French gives her characters. But I’m afraid my Irish friends would be after taking the piss if I used the word “banjaxed” to describe my laptop after having a can of seltzer poured on it by my two-year-old. She’s only small, what does she know?

Ninepins by Rosy Thornton

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Synopsis:
A single mother of a troubled pre-teen takes in a 17-year-old girl with a history of arson, and finds her image of herself as a mother challenged and strengthened.

Review:
I loved Rosy Thornton’s Tapesty of Love so I leapt at the chance to review Ninepins. Thornton is a gorgeous writer and in Ninepins she offers a compelling situation that reads like a thriller.

Laura is an academic living in the fens outside of Cambridge. Her asthmatic daughter Beth is 12 and just starting at a new school, dealing with peer pressure and growing up. Laura is flummoxed by Beth’s changing demeanor and explorations with rebellion, but tries her hardest to keep the lines of communication opened. Her home is a former pump station, where the marshy, boggy fens were fought back by engineering but still pose a threat to the aging dikes. She rents out the pump house, converted into a bedsit, and she’s approached with an unusual request: to accept as a lodger Willow, a 17-year-old who has been “in care” (think the foster system/juvenile detention) because of a case of arson when she was not much older than Beth. Willow’s mom is a mess, a hippie who has never been there for her daughter. Laura’s heart goes out to the girl, whom she wants to rescue and whom she also sees a potential savior for Beth.

I’m sure you can imagine how these plot threads might come together, but what you can’t imagine is how hard it is to put this book down! It may seem like a quiet character study but the emotional drama is just riveting. And while it’s not exactly a mystery or a thriller, the atmosphere and mood maintained a wonderful level of suspense and tension. I’m not sure how well known Thornton is outside of the UK, but she really deserves a wider audience. She’s a kindred spirit to another of my favorites, T. Greenwood, so if you like her please do check this one out.

Many thanks to Sandstone Press for the review copy.