Spoiler Edition: A Dance with Dragons by George RR Martin (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5)

Tyrion becomes a slave, Dany pines for Daario while marrying someone else, her dragons eat children and incinerate a prince, Jon Snow upends 8000 years of tradition, a couple of no-goodniks get baked into a pie, Stannis can haz teh dumb, Theon Greyjoy lives the worst version of a Lifetime movie thanks to the Bastard of Bolton, Arya kills time, Ser Barristan the Bold displays mad skillz, Davos is not dead, Victarion rows his boat, Asha picks the wrong fort to defend, Cersei and Jaime don’t get back together, everyone eats something called “neeps” and Bran turns into a tree.

My second read of A Dance with Dragons was the audio version, narrated by the no-longer-incomparable Roy Dotrice. Unfortunately, he turned Daenerys into a ninety-year-old Irish crone and gave Cersei almost the same voice as Tyrion. But I forgive him because he still brings incredible thespianship to his reading and I was definitely excited to take any chance I could get to listen.

Many have complained that Dance is just A Feast for Crows part two, complete with aimless wandering and annoyingly resurrected characters. However, I forgive Martin, too. I am too invested in this world to give up now. When we get to the end is when I’ll decide if it was worth it. For now, I’ll just assume that it is.

Oh, and I am in love with A Podcast of Ice and Fire.

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